Realisation.

current music: Zolof the Rock & Roll Destroyer - Crazy = Cute

Ok, before I start this is going to be a bastard long post and I don't think most of you will understand half of it, just warning yous.

Yes, so... Over the past few days I've came to a few realisations about a lot of things. Parents' Evening coupled with a trip to the hairdressers (we were there for hours because there was a few of us getting our hair cut; so I had time to ponder my thoughts) made me put a number of things in perspective.

Parents' Evening. My ICT appointment went great, no bad points were raised so I was all smiles 'til my Media appointment (didn't have a Business one 'cos Sweaty Cunt wasn't there; thank fuck). Mr Media claimed that I don't turn up to 'a third' of my lessons. Which is just utter bullshit. That was at the start of the year when I was lazy. Anyway, this led to the inevitable talking to from my parent's on the way home.

"You've got the brains, use them..."
"If you tried harder..."
"I'm in love with a goat..."

Ok, they didn't say the last one. But it was all stuff I'd heard before. I know I'm clever (not wanting to sound big-headed here) and I have the ability to go far but it's putting in the effort. I have no motivation whatsoever, I'm getting by fine in 6th form but if I pushed myself that bit more I could get straight A's.

Anyway, went to the hairdresser's last night and as I was there a while I had time to think. You all know how most hairdressers are; gossipy, loud, chatty etc. well she was talking amongst my parents and Helen (mum's friend) about people in the village and it made me realise...

I used to be envious of all the older people in my village. You could say I looked up to them and wanted to someday be like them. The 'lads' who used to go out every weekend and have a laugh in the Legion, getting up to all kinds of stuff. I guess in a way, I still did. I wanted that social life of being out and about.

Then I realised, I didn't. I don't want to be like that. Spending every waking hour working a dead end job with no prospects, doing menial work and then spending every weekend getting pissed in the local. Why did I envy that?

That just isn't me. I want to make something of myself. Get good grades, probably head off to university and get a well paid job. Balls to spending my life stuck here bringing home a basic salary and regretting not doing anything about it.

I think this was the wake up call I needed. This probably means nothing to anyone who reads it but I just need to get it off my chest.

Yeah, so you could say this is where Gar finally pulls his finger out and puts some effort into his coursework. Hopefully if I can stay motivated and force myself to get through it, I'll be fine.

However, I wouldn't want anyone to think I'm unhappy. Far from it. I'm the most consistently properly happy I've been for a long while.

I'm going to see Jimmy Eat World at Bristol Academy on June 15th with Char. Gonna be AMAZINGS. There is also NASS weekend, which in theory, looks set to be the greastest weekend in the history of weekends ever. And some more.

Did I fail to mention I have a girlfriend? Cos I have. She's great, like my girlfriend AND a best friend all rolled into one very awesome person. Who likes me back, which makes me want to squeal like a girl.

I don't know how to end this post properly so I'm just gonna stop now before I ramble for another 232345345 words or so.

OOOO EEEE OOOO AH AH, TING TANG WALLA WALLA BING BANG.

Yes, muchly so.

chro.